Apr 3, 2025

Behind the smile
I was smiling through the veil of angst,
My feet were stuck, my fists were clenched.
I wore a coating of warm and bright,
My insides were cold, indulged in fight.

I lifted my face, eyes were gleaming,
My gut was wrenched, my heart was bleeding.
I joked around, chortled at my own pun,
My soul was screaming, my mind was numb.

I put on a facade for all those years,
Hid unbearable pain, blinked back unshed tears.
Everything would be fine one day; I thought,
But a part of my mind was a blind spot.

Stagnant were the buried, or so I believed,
Yet ripples arose, for I never truly healed.
Am I going to be that child again? I questioned myself.
Or 
Am I ready to be vulnerable and ask for help?

Will I survive this storm’s unstoppable cadence?
Can I move past my past, just this once?
Will I ever look in the mirror and say those words;
That I love myself and it no longer hurts?

Will the day ever come when I need no mask?
Will what lies behind no longer stay in the dark?
Will I let my guard down and lower my defense?
Will my smile be a smile again and not a pretense?
-komal sharma
Kanthvaani

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